Today, and to be more specific, as nuts it might just sound, at 1.58 am, that force is so annoying and arrogant that it simply is not allowed me to sleep, which by the way, I have been struggling to do since the past couple of hours.
I have been wondering, just gazing up and thinking, what good am I? No really ... I mean what good am I at , or what have I really achieved so far, except, of course, dreaming and a lot....!!!! Oh please ! Now I know it and trust me, at least on this one, I don't really have anything to be modest . And neither am I being a pessimist and underestimating. I am just trying to analyze, trying to keep aside all ego, all prejudices, which I have allowed myself to believe and get sunk to, over all these years, by what I have heard from people, from people around me ... from my friends, from kins, from acquaintances. Again my intention is not at all to misunderstand and misinterpret their judgement about me, it is just that I want too do some sort of a search and conclude with a proper understanding of myself.
So spinning back to the agenda...WHAT GOOD AM I REALLY...is it really the right time for this question....yeah...ok... ok ...it's pretty late at night and most of what I am saying might just not be making much sense or perhaps no sense at all, but bringing it all out is the only possibility I see that can help me sleep tonight.
Ever since school I have had so many friends. Each one of them was good at something, something that was not really extraordinary or unique, but they were all really extraordinarily good at that common something. And for once I'll call them daemons....daemons of my past that have followed me into my days of good and bad.
Back in school someone was really good at the tracks, some one was just outstanding with Mathematics, some one was a science and mechanics genius, some one was simply a marvelous dancer, some one was Shakespeare with the pen while some one simply was a Mozart with the instruments. Some one had a huge attitude that let him woo girls while someone was simply in himself a master piece with the paint brush. Some one had the skills to re-invent the pulley or the like and some one was simply a born nightingale. I tried to put myself somewhere between these lines and also back then, and I was just lost...as lost as I am now, today. Inevitably, i grew up and I met some better and worse pieces, but again, the point is, they were all extraordinarily good, even if they were so in creating the biggest of the chaos student and teacher kind had ever witnessed. Some one was a business minded soon to be tycoon, while someone just proved he can be unbeatable on the dance floor. Someone was was a tech wizard or gadget wizard as was evident and some one was simply the 0s and the 1s of the binary. Someone was an awesome drummer and someone a style icon for many. Some was just aptly smart enough to get all the chicks while some one really had a voice and a whistle you could admire any time any day. Someone was a real hulk and someone simply was the best behind a digital lens. While someone was the super gamer,some one simply was the best mugger to top every semester. Someone was a deep researcher, someone a really practical visionary, someone a really dirty critic, someone just good with the religion. Some one was just magnetic enough to convince you to commit suicide while some one a marketing agent convincing enough to make you bet anything and everything. Someone could be addressed "the father of politics", while some one "the leader of ultimate bakkchodi". Some one was an awesome cook and some one simply a true connoisseur of both food and drinks. Some one was cracking with the bat and the ball while some one was simply great with a racket and a shuttle. There was even some one who was absolutely dumb ...but then the beautiful fact was that he was extra ordinary even at being dumb.
And there is nothing really I need to emphasise. All who have been together with me at school or at college, come on guys, you all know it. There hardly is a thing I have exacerbated. It's all evident and well known truth. Well the other big truth is, WHERE DID, OR DO I REALLY FIT IN ALL THIS ? I was lost among these lines, as lost as I am today, at this very moment. What good am i really at. I am not depressed, if you are thinking that, and no I haven't been the victim of World war 3, between dad and me, (once again), if you ass holes are thinking that. And neither am i trying to make any kind of comparison here. I simply am trying to realise my own self, where do I really stand, what is that one thing that I am craving for...what is that something that'll get ME at absolute peace???WHERE...WHAT WITH...WHEN ...WILL I REALLY FIT IN AND THE BIGGER HEADACHE IS WILL I FINALLY DISCOVER PEACE ...??? And I think I should be able to at least sleep peacefully for now...!!!
